Survivors' page

Here is a small selection of poems and prose written by survivors of rape and sexual abuse. These will change from time to time. We hope you find them helpful and positive.

SeVA Website Survivors' Page

You are the only person who can forgive yourself.

Once that forgiving has taken place, you can then console yourself with the knowledge that a diamond is the result of extreme pressure...

The pressure can make you into something quite precious, quite wonderful, quite beautiful an extremely hard.

Maya Angelou

Early Days

A thump in the chest
Takes my breath away
You're supposed to protect me
But you hurt me
Why don't you love me?
What could I possibly have done wrong?
Being your daughter
I believed you would have loved me
But you hurt me
Rape
That's all you do to me
Why dad?
Don't you think I hurt enough?
Please stop hurting me
Please dad
I'm only a little girl
Stop hurting me
I want normality
Not a piece of muck
Because of you
I'm constantly scared
I hate being your pleasure

Rosie Wainwright

Listen

When I ask you to listen to me and you start giving advice you have not done what I asked.

When I ask you to listen to me and you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way, you are trampling on my feelings.

When I ask you to listen to me and you feel you have to do something to solve my problems you have failed me, strange as that may seem.

When you do something for me that I can and need to do for myself you contribute to my fear and weakness.

So please listen and just hear me, and, if you want to talk, wait a minute for your turn; and I will listen to you.

Cleanliness

The anger inside
Raging deep within
Intense and rapidly
Seeking release
I cut my arm
The sight of blood
A sigh of relief
Clean and calm
The blood I see
Is the biggest release of all
My body becomes numb
Feelings of being dirty
A piece of filth
No long present
I now have the power
Only I can do this to myself
No one at this moment can do this
I'm in control over my body
No pain
Or fright
Just cleanliness

Rosie Wainwright

Healing

When you hurt a lot
You're sad for a long time
Now where it shows
You still smile.
Sometimes your eyes light up
But you breathe more slowly, more deeply.
But you look around more
The streets and the people are not quite real.
Your rooms and your own clothes seems strange to you.
People's words hit you funny.
You turn from their meanings.
The words make you hurt inside.
People look at you, their eyes question.
They wonder what you said.
They wonder how soon they can get away from
The feeling of your sadness.
You don't think of being happy again.
You first try not to be sad always.
You keep busy with everyday things
So you won't go mad.
They, one day
You hit the sore place.
You catch your breath waiting for the pain,
Waiting for the pain that suddenly isn't there.
Shyly, you poke at it a little.
You want to see how much you can bear.
Little by little, you know
You healed because some people were kind.
They didn't run from your anger.
They reached around your pain.
You healed because in you is a faith
In the rightness of life.
In you is a spirit that holds on.
When flesh is weak
In you is the habit of keeping on.

Anonymous, California

Flashbacks

The flashbacks set in
Emotional, physical and sexual
Hurt
He rapes me
So hard
So scary
His grubby hands on my body
I'm angry
I'm hurt
But most of all
Alone
Please someone
Hug me
Or am I too dirty
You tell me

Rosie Wainwright